When to give your child choices.

I am a mother who fully believes in giving our children choices. Making them "feel" in control. This does not mean I don't make the necessary decisions. But their are times when it is better for them to make the decision. It not only makes them feel like their opinion matters but that you trust them to make a good decision, and they will know whatever the consequences weather good or bad was because of their choice.  I do think some parents underestimate their children's ability to comprehend and decide. My son is only 3.5 but I trust him to make choices. We talk things out so he gets a full understanding of why there is the choice, and what happens with each choice, and let him make the decision. This helps him feel a little more in control of a world where he doesn't get much control. So I'm going to talk out a few ways to know if your child is ready to start making more difficult decisions.

  1. Making sure your child is ready. Do they understand the basics of making decisions and the  consequences? I'm talking basics, like if I choose to take this toy from my sister then I will receive the toy but mom will get mad and ___ Or if I knock down this tower I will have to start all over. I mean basics. If your child understands these simple choices/consequences that maybe your first sign they are ready to make actual decisions.  If they fully understand when you talk to them, that you can sit down and talk about important things even if only for a short time. Like, "son, we need to go to the doctor today, while we are there I need you to be on your best behavior so the doctor can look at mommy" then when you get there you can remind them of your talk, and they remember.

  2. Going with your mommy gut. Sometimes us moms forget we have instincts for a reason. We make sure we use them when we think our kid is sick or feel our child is in danger, but what about daily things? This is one of those times, we need to use our guts. Do you feel your child is ready to make actual choices? Do you feel he/she can make a good choice? Do you feel you can trust your child will or you can gently guide them into making the best decision? This maybe difficult the first time but it may actually turn out great! You know your child best so go with your gut and trust those instincts.

  3. Deciding if this is a good time to give him/her choices. Is it a life or death choice? If so the answer is probably no. Is it something you can live with no matter what the choice is? If the answer is yes, probably yes. Is it something small no one really cares about? Yes well then this is a perfect starting point. Just this week my I decided my son needed to make a decision that affects him more then anyone else. This week I gave him the choice to stay an extra week with his bio dad so he could go to Disneyland with us and have Easter with his step brother, or come home sense he was having a more difficult week in missing us. This decision was not as easy as you think it would be. As my son is a BIG mamas boy. He right away answered to come home right away. Then we talked about the good and bad consequences to each decision. Then he made the tough choice of staying longer. Although it is a rough week for him (and me) he made the choice of his own free will so I don't feel guilty making him stay. As well as him knowing he made the big boy decision so he could go to Disneyland with us and my side of the family.    Sometimes it's hard to remember our small children are capable of understanding what's going on around them. As well as capable enough to make the decisions asked of them. I would love to know what you think about this article, please comment with experiences you have had with your children, and how they have helped you understand their readiness for making decisions, was it easy for you? I want to hear it all :)   

                             -Melanie